The Dreaded 7th Semesters

To Start off, ill tell u what i did till today. First of all, as I am writing this, my 7th Semester Results are being made somewhere in the dark alleys of Mumbai University, Kalina, and believe me when I say, I am not at all excited about the results. If you ask me how my papers were, you are bound to get thrashed and lashed by my tongue becoz it was one hell of a ride, and by that i mean it was really like in hell, ekdum bakwasss.


I think what happened is, since we had 10 days holidays for each subject, the paper setter of Mumbai University thought that, we students are going to prepare the best for each subject, and take advantage of the number of holidays that were given per subject. But what happened was, instead of taking advantage of the holidays, I and a number of like minded dumbasses like me, got so much bored of the holidays, that we only studied in the last 3 days of holidays. So you can imagine our status, and the paper that was put forth, had questions so twisted that, after each paper we had a doubt whether it was the correct paper we have given (By saying we, I mean myself along with some other fools like me, It might not be you, dont worry).

For those of you who dont know let me specify once again what the University had in store for us. For us Seventh Semester Computer Branch students, who have only 5 subjects, had exams starting from the 5th of December 2007 till the 12th of January 2008. So you can imagine how much long our exams were, more than 1 month. Every other branch finished their exams by 30th of December 2007, except our Computer Branch, the reason is, "I DONT KNOW!!!". To top that, every single question in the question paper that was released for us this semester was new, was never ever asked before in the entire history of the university and whose answer could only be found in those huge 1000 pages reference books. Yes there are some exceptions, and I thank the University for that because without it, I think i would have handed over the paper as soon as I would have signed the attendance sheet. Out of the 5 papers only the last paper which had only 3 days holiday, was really easy. By easy I mean that all the questions that were asked, was either from previous question papers or its answer was present in standard textbooks.

I wish, I would atleast pass in all of the subjects, because if I get Pass Class in the final year result, then you can expect me to be unemployed and become some kind of criminal or something (PUN INTENDED!!!).

Do you have it in you???

Do you have the skills to make it in a computer driven, increasingly online world?

Your immediate, knee-jerk reaction may be "Yes! Of course I have the skills.

I know how to send and receive email and surf the web.

I can even download and install files."

Well, three or four years ago, email, Web surfing and downloading files qualified you as "electronically literate," but not any more! Computer and online survival skills now encompass much more than that.

Surviving in an online world involves maintaining a high degree of "electronic literacy," which means focusing on and developing skills in the following areas:


** Personal Computer skills **

In the old days of 1998, the ability to use a computer, keyboard and mouse rated anyone as computer-literate.

In fact, you were a real pro if you could burn a CD, scan documents and manipulate digital pictures.

Fast forward to today and "personal computer skills" carries a whole new meaning. You must know how to maintain and update not only anti-virus, but "anti-spyware," and firewall software too.

You also need to understand how operating with Windows ME, or 2000, or XP will affect your ability to use certain software along with specific security precautions to avoid trouble from hackers.


** Internet Skills **

In the bygone era of 1998, friends considered you an online genius if you possessed basic surfing and navigation skills.

They watched in awe as you used search engines like InfoSeek.com (a long-defunct search engine) to find and download programs, pictures, and information on specific topics.

Now electronic literacy means the ability to set up, upload, and maintain basic web pages and blogs.

It also means understanding terms such as "RSS" and "news aggregator" because that's the next generation of how information will get disseminated online (and it arrives for the masses this year).


** Email Skills **

Perhaps the most deceptively simple of all the areas of electronic literacy, email actually presents the most challenges for keeping up with the times.

Previously, clicking the "send and receive" button meant you were proficient at using email.

Now, because of spam, viruses and "phishing scams" (identity theft schemes delivered through email), email requires a whole new set of skills, "street smarts" and software just to survive.

You must understand how to use an email "preview" program such as MailWasher.net to eliminate spam and virus email messages before they ever reach your computer.

You also must learn to protect your identity and avoid "phishing scams" by learning to recognize and defend against online con-artist tactics.


** Buy or Borrow Expertise **

Though you should constantly upgrade your skills through personal education, nobody can do or know it all (except maybe your know-it-all bother in law).

The good news is that you can always buy or borrow someone else's expertise to solve any online challenge.

A prime example of outsourcing in the consumer market is all the little stores popping up in strip malls to help you sell your stuff on eBay.

Through outsourcing, online survival skills can also mean taking what was previously the exclusive realm of computer geeks and making it as easy as dropping off the dry cleaning.

Notice From the IT Department

Here is a list of Things-You-Should-Do sent by the IT department of a reputed company. Its sure is funny as hell.


1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art.

2. Don't ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen.

3. If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, "I didn't do anything."


4. When we say we'll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won't have to answer silly questions from us, like "what's your screen saver password?"

5. When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, "I can't get my email". We don't need to know that the computer won't even turn on.

6. Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance.! You don't really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive.

7. Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase.

8. When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn't work, call us. Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too.

9. If the document you sent to the printer didn't print, send it at least 20 more times. One of them is bound to work.

10. Don't ever learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

11. Don't waste your time using the built in help files. We already had to learn the hard way, why should you?

12. If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place.

13. Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen. Just click the X to close i! t or the first button your mouse gets to.

14. Don't ever try r ebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately. Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that.

15. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about this computer crap". We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

16. When you receive a huge movie file that's really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends. We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth.

17. Don't bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet. Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth.

18. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue.

19. When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars, that's the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working.

20. Don't bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own. We certainly ! don't need to keep track of those things.

21. Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on.

22. Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and monitor.