Huge collection of Sms/Jokes that you might have read somewhere or the other

A huge collection of jokes, all in one post, hope u find time to read the enire post and have a good laugh
Santa:What should we do? The water level has risen above the danger mark.
Banta:Raise the danger level mark up by a few meters.


What is difference between a donkey and a sardar?
Only this a donkey has a tail.


Once a train was moving on the railway line. Suddenly the train got down from the railway line and started moving into the fields.
The passengers got angry and decided to punish the train driver.
When the train stopped, all the passengers came to the driver and asked:"Why did you take the train off the track into the fields."
Driver: A man came in front and was standing on the railway line.
Passeners: Why did you risk the life of so many passengers in order to save the life of one man.You should have driven the train on that man.
Driver: I was going to do this only but the man ran towards the field.

Banta is in mysoor palace
tourist guide: sir plz dont sit thr..Its tippu sultans chair
Banta:dont worry yaar i wil get up when he comes.


Banta wated to make a std call to punjab, he wanted to save money..what he did?
he went to pujab and made a local call

Santa joined in a new job..1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
boss was happy and asked what u did till evening
Santa: keyboard alphabets were not in order..so i made it order.

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news, which one would you prefer to hear it first
Patient: Well, hit me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab test result is out and you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?!
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Mumbai University Engineering Paper Question
why is fire engine red in colour?
Fire engine is red because it has a ladder
The ladder has steps
Steps have a foot which is measured by a ruler
A ruler can be a king or a queen
Elizabeth was queen of england
Elizabeth was also name of a ship
Ship floats on water
Water has fish
Fishes have fins
Fins are the people of Finland
The national flag of Finland is red
So fire engine is red in colour.....

Laloo is watching a football match
Laloo : yeh , sasurey sab ke sab football ko lat kyon mar rahey hain ???????????
Coach : Sir, goal karne key liye !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laloo : Arey !!!!!!!!!!, goal hee to hai , , or kitna goal karogey ????????????????????????

A Sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is hiding in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "

7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 7777777777777 Problems. So beware of glance!

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Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.

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Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Resultis always FAIL!

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A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do ukeep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer:"So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!"

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Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to
his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

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What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Signboards that make you smile

ADVERTISEMENT


In a rest room:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER
YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK
OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY
THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN
ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES,
WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG
AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T
KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE
FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL
YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR
- THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)


Ramesh raat ko jagran se late aaya or morning main school gaya.
Teacher ask him :: A for .............
Ramesh :: (Very slowly ) Apple ....
Teacher :: Jor Se Bolo..
Ramesh :: Jai Mata Di ............

A U.P. Botanist?
a son of 2 fathers .. Dvivedi
of 3 fathers .. Trivedi
of 4 fathers .. Chaturvedi
of 5 fathers .. Pandey
of several fathers .. Misra
of unknown parentage .. Gupta


A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"


Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....


In the train: T T Sadhu se bola,
Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu:- Jahan Ram ji ka janam hua tha.
TT:- Ticket Hai ?
Sadhu:- Nahi
TT:- Chalo phir
Sadhu:- Kahan?
TT:- Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha (Jail)


Is it possible that a person name and surname same...........????????
sardar jee : yes it is possible ...!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Santa : how ????????????????
Sardar jee : If Lara Dutta married Brian Lara, then she becomes LARA LARA Bo lo TARA TARA RA RA.................................